Kanye Get A Witness?

[il ragno]

http://contactmusic.com/new/xmlfeed.nsf/mndwebpages/cocky%20west%20i%20should%20be%20in%20the%20bible_09_02_2006

COCKY WEST: 'I SHOULD BE IN THE BIBLE'

Cocky rap star KANYE WEST is calling for a revised edition of THE BIBLE, because he thinks he should be a character in it.

The JESUS WALKS hitmaker, who picked up three Grammy Awards last night (08FEB06), feels sure he'd be "a griot" (West African storyteller) in a modern Bible.

He says, "I bring up historical subjects in a way that makes kids want to learn about them. I'm an inspirational speaker.

"I changed the sound of music more than one time... For all those reasons, I'd be a part of the Bible. I'm definitely in the history books already."

[Jimbo Gomez]

OK, this falls in the category 'too damn weird to pull out of your ass so it has to be true' category.

[Jaybird]

What a difference a few decades make. 40 years ago, Baptist preachers were bustin' out the lighter fluid ready to burn John Lennon at the steak for claiming the Beatles were "bigger than Jesus". Now some nigger thinks he is Jesus and we don't hear a peep.
And where in the hell is Janet Reno when we need her? If she was still Attorney General, this nigger's mansion would be surrounded by the National Guard ready to commence Operation Gas and Burn II.

[Berianidze]

rofl I love how rappers completely exaggerate their own importance (although this can be extended to basically all celebrities); but this has got to be the most extreme case of self-worship. I think Bad Boy records (or whatever disastrous record label he's signed to) should put out a revised Bible that includes the all-knowing Kanye West. I've never owned a Bible in my life, nor would I care to, that is of course, unless Kanye graced its pages.

Hail Kanye West, all-knowing, all powerful :D

[sainte-marthe]

When I saw this posted elsewhere, my first thought was il ragno's law of blacks, that they are the best entertainment we can hope for, albeit unintended. I also thought back to when stan and I used to discuss how blacks are almost overgrown kids when left to themselves.

[il ragno]

This is what happens when people who know better pretend not to to avoid being called racist. Negroes are ten-year-old kids playing army - with no rules and real guns.

[The Retard]

uppity nigger

[Berianidze]

This is what happens when people who know better pretend not to to avoid being called racist. Negroes are ten-year-old kids playing army - with no rules and real guns.

I don't think it's quite fair to make such a generalization just because a broad range of assholes like Kanye West seem to dominate the public's perceptions of an entire group of people. I'm not saying that they don't take their part in causing problems etc., crime rates show this--and I'm avoiding the liberal stance of saying that it's entirely the white man's fault for the plight of African-Americans; but I don't think just because the ones who get the most attention (albeit negative attention) should define the entire group; a group which offers intelligent, insightful individuals such as W.E.B. DuBois.

[Jaybird]

Our Kanye, who art in Harlem,
hallowed be Thy mother fuckin' Name.
Thy Ghetto come,
Thy Will be done,
In AmeriKKKa,
As it is on yo' block.
Give us dis day our rightful reparations,
and forgive all da cracka ass crackas,
as we put yo' ass on TRL.
And lead us not into slavery,
but deliver us from George Bush.
For thine is da Hood, and da Bitches, and da Bling,
fo' ever and ever.
Amen, nigga.

[The Retard]

Our Kanye, who art in Harlem,
hallowed be Thy mother fuckin' Name.
Thy Ghetto come,
Thy Will be done,
In AmeriKKKa,
As it is on yo' block.
Give us dis day our rightful reparations,
and forgive all da cracka ass crackas,
as we put yo' ass on TRL.
And lead us not into slavery,
but deliver us from George Bush.
For thine is da Hood, and da Bitches, and da Bling,
fo' ever and ever.
Amen, nigga.

Did he really write that?

[Jaybird]

Did he really write that?
Gospel of Tyrone Chapter 3: 11-13

[SteamshipTime]

For thine is da Hood, and da Bitches, and da Bling, fo' ever and ever. Amen, nigga.

Hilarious. I always thought this was one of The Onion's best:

God Finally Gives Shout-Out Back To All His Niggaz (http://www.theonion.com/content/node/28251)

http://www.theonion.com/content/files/images/onion_news638.article.jpg
Rappers Method Man and Redman give big ups to God (inset)

[il ragno]

As a further sign of His love for the hip-hop community, God assured the nation's rappers that He is taking good care of all their peers currently with Him in heaven.

"Tupac, Notorious B.I.G., Eazy-E, Scott LaRock—some of y'all niggaz are already up in this bitch," the Lord said. "For those of you who were left behind, know that the Lord has got your dead homies' backs. Faith [Evans], I promise I'm taking real good care of your Biggie. He resting in crazy peace, no doubt."

Priceless!

[O'Zebedee]

Hilarious. I always thought this was one of The Onion's best:

God Finally Gives Shout-Out Back To All His Niggaz (http://www.theonion.com/content/node/28251)


One of my all-time favorites. Next would be:

http://www.theonion.com/content/node/29205

NATIONAL FUNK CONGRESS DEADLOCKED ON GET UP/GET DOWN ISSUE.

"...But despite such pleas for bipartisan compromise, the two parties remain at odds. This week, a Getuplican high-treble scratch-guitar initiative called for all Downocrats to "give it up and turn it loose," sparking an angry war of words on the Senate dance floor. In response, the Downocratic members of the Grooves & Booties Subcommittee drafted a bass-heavy resolution demanding that the initiative be voted "down, down, all the way down." "

http://i23.photobucket.com/albums/b375/ozebedee/getup2.jpg

[1-800]

"I changed the sound of music more than one time... For all those reasons, I'd be a part of the Bible. I'm definitely in the history books already."

If only I had known that Flintstones' drums and distorted Chimpmunk-esque vocals would be so popular with the youth!

[Jimbo Gomez]

"God's the ultimate playa, so naturally He's going to have some haters," rapper Ice Cube said. "But these haters need to realize that if you mess with the man upstairs, you will get your ass smote. True dat."

ROTFLMSFAO

[Pixi]

Our Kanye, who art in Harlem,
hallowed be Thy mother fuckin' Name.
Thy Ghetto come,
Thy Will be done,
In AmeriKKKa,
As it is on yo' block.
Give us dis day our rightful reparations,
and forgive all da cracka ass crackas,
as we put yo' ass on TRL.
And lead us not into slavery,
but deliver us from George Bush.
For thine is da Hood, and da Bitches, and da Bling,
fo' ever and ever.
Amen, nigga.
LMFAO! That's a good one.

[Keystone]

What a difference a few decades make. 40 years ago, Baptist preachers were bustin' out the lighter fluid ready to burn John Lennon at the steak for claiming the Beatles were "bigger than Jesus".

Now some nigger thinks he is Jesus and we don't hear a peep.
I do wear the brown scapular. Coincidence?

[Jaybird]

Da Kanye be wit y'all.
And also wit you.
A readin' from da mo' fuckin' Gospel cordin' to Maleek.
Glory to you, fool.

(Maleek 1:18-25 and 2:1-12) Now dis how da burf of Kanye West be. When His mama Mareesha was 'bout to hook up wit Joesuf, but fo' dey was common law married, da Bitch found out she was pregnant. Joesuf, was madder than a mutha fucker, but he was a cool nigga, so he decided to take da Bitch on the Maury Povich Show. But then da angel of da Lawd appeared to him one night after hittin' the pipe and said, "Joesuf, my nigga, don't be skurred to take dat Bitch up in yo' crib. Ain't no other nigga runned his root up in dat pussy, but dis be da work of da Holy Spirit. I mean, sheeyut nigga, you can't blame da Holy Spirit fo' wantin' to tap dat ass, dat Bitch is fine. Da Bitch gon' bear a baby boy and you gon' name dat lil' nigga Kanye, cuz he gon' save all da African peoples from da Man.* All dis gon' fofill what da Lawd said thru da proffet:
"Behold, da Bitch gon' be wit child, and bear a baby boy, and dey gon' name dat nigga Kanye,"
which means "God be wit us" in Swahili. When Joesuf woke up at 1:35pm the next day, he did as da angel of da Lawd told his ass and took da Bitch into his crib. He ain't even hit dat shit one time 'til dat lil' nigga was born.

Chapter 2
When Kanye wuz born in Atlanta, in da days of Uncle Tom, these three smart niggas from Detroit arrived in East St. Louis, "Where dis baby boy, King of da Niggas be? Fo' we done seen da Ghetto Birds circlin' his projects and we come to show Him some love." When Uncle Tom heard dis, nigga was pissed. He got all his peeps together and axed, "Where dis Kanye nigga be?" They said to him, "Dat nigga be in Atalanta, fool, as it been written by one of dem proffets:
'And you niggas from da ATL, don't y'all worry none cuz from y'all gon' come a hardcore nigga, a gangsta fo' all my peeps.'"
Then Uncle Tom decided to trick dem smart niggas. "Go to Atlanta and find dat baby boy. And when y'all find His ass, beep me so I can come give Him props." So them smart ass niggas got in they Caddies and headed fo' Hot-lanta. And oh snap! They saw da same mutha fuckin' pigs circlin' over da projects. They was some happy ass niggas and on enterin' da crib, they saw da baby boy with Mareesha, his mama. They shot him the deuce and poured half dey 40s out on da curb. Then dey opened some crunk ass presents fo' da lil' nigga and gave his ass a gold grill, some bling-bling, and some brand new 24" rims. And after smokin' a sweet, dey was warned not to go back to Uncle Tom, so dthey took dey asses home another goddamn way.

Dis be da Gospel of da Kanye.
Praise to you Lawd Kanye West.

*1, 21: da Man: Generally accepted as referencing all whiteys although some scholars suggest the phrase refers only to specific honkies, usually George W. Bush.

[Morpheus]

Gospel of Tyrone Chapter 3: 11-13

OK, I get Toby and Kunta Kinte but Tyrone?

What is the inspiration for this, does it really come from Erykah Badu's hit song "Tyrone" (good song)?

White racists come up with some of the craziest shit. :rofl:


I've never personally met a Black person named Tyrone, but leave it up to White racists, when picking out first names to turn into racial insults to take one from some random song. :D

Also nice ebonics/gospel parody, Jay. It was a little too good if you ask me. I think some White racists secretly like hip-hop culture especially the ghetto slang as some have emulate it to the point of it being a part of their everyday speech.

It reminds me of the guy in Undercover Brother, an assisstant to the "man" who hated Blacks but had a thing for urban sayings, which annoyed him to no endas he didn't like such things influencing him.

[cryptoracist]

OK, I get Toby and Kunta Kinte but Tyrone?

What is the inspiration for this, does it really come from Erykah Badu's hit song "Tyrone" (good song)?

White racists come up with some of the craziest shit. :rofl:


I've never personally met a Black person named Tyrone, but leave it up to White racists, when picking out first names to turn into racial insults to take one from some random song. :D

Also nice ebonics/gospel parody, Jay. It was a little too good if you ask me. I think some White racists secretly like hip-hop culture especially the ghetto slang as some have emulate it to the point of it being a part of their everyday speech.

It reminds me of the guy in Undercover Brother, an assisstant to the "man" who hated Blacks but had a thing for urban sayings, which annoyed him to no endas he didn't like such things influencing him.
hahaha i remember that guy....

Awesome movie, too. :dance2:

[Johnson]

"I changed the sound of music more than one time... For all those reasons, I'd be a part of the Bible.

What does one have to do with the other?