A Political Guide to Ireland

[cerberus]

> A Political Guide for Tourists to Ireland
>
> Ireland is an island to the west of Britain but Northern Ireland is
> just off the mainland - not the Irish mainland, the British mainland.
>
> The capital of Ireland is Dublin . It has a population of a million
> people, all of whom will be shopping in Newry this afternoon. They
> travel to Newry because it is in the North, which is not part of
> Ireland , but still pay in Euros.
>
> Under the Irish constitution, the North used to be in Ireland , but a
> successful 30-year campaign of violence for Irish unity ensured that
> it is now definitely in the UK . Had the campaign lasted longer the
> North might now be in France .
>
> Belfast is the capital of Northern Ireland . It has a population of
> half a million, half of whom have houses in Donegal. Donegal is in the
> north but not in the North. It is in the South. No, not the south, the
> South.
>
> There are two parliaments in Ireland . The Dublin parliament is called
> the Dáil, (pronounced "Doyle"), an Irish word meaning a place where
> banks receive taxpayers' money. The one in Belfast is called Stormont,
> an Anglo-Saxon word meaning placebo, or deliberately ineffective drug.
>
> Their respective jurisdictions are defined by the border, an imaginary
> line on the map to show fuel launderers where to dump chemical waste.
>
> Protestants are in favour of the border, which generates millions of
> pounds in smuggling for Catholics, who are opposed to it.
>
> Travel between the two states is complicated because Ireland is the
> only country in the world with two M1 motorways. The one in the North
> goes west to avoid the south and the one in the South goes north to
> avoid the price of drink.
>
> We have two types of democracy in Ireland . Dublin democracy works by
> holding a referendum and then allowing the government to judge the
> result. If the government thinks the result is wrong, the referendum
> is held again. Twice in recent years the government decided the
> people's choice was wrong and ordered a new referendum.
>
> Belfast democracy works differently. It has a parliament with no
> opposition, so the government is always right. This system generates
> envy in many world capitals, especially Dublin .
>
> Ireland has three economies - northern, southern and black. Only the
> black economy is in the black. The other two are in the red.

[Errigal]

That's originally from the News Letter I think. I saw it a few weeks ago when I was looking at something else.

http://www.newsletter.co.uk/columnists/You-will-never-get-this.5635618.jp

Donegal is in the north but not in the North. It is in the South.
No, not the south, the South.

That was always funny to me as a kid. Going east to get to the North and west to get back to the South. Near Pettigo a person drives north to get to the South. Endlessly funny to me in the back seat.

[Felix the Cat]

> Under the Irish constitution, the North used to be in Ireland , but a
> successful 30-year campaign of violence for Irish unity ensured that
> it is now definitely in the UK . Had the campaign lasted longer the
> North might now be in France .This has been commented on recently. People who used to think of themselves as Irish are now stridently British.

[Errigal]

This has been commented on recently. People who used to think of themselves as Irish are now stridently British.

Yes and people like my father who left before '69 had to ask his cousin from Belfast what this change was all about. Also the use of the term "mainland" to mean Great Britain was a neologism. It makes sense that they'd all of a sudden need the word if they didn't want to say they were flying from Ireland to England when going from Aldergrove to Gatwick. They had to say they were flying to the "mainland" as if they were starting out in Honolulu. If a person flies from Dublin to Gatwick are they still going to "the mainland"?

[Shylock]

LOL. Excellent find! :D